Sunday, December 30, 2012

2012 in Reflection

As 2012 draws to a close, I am amazed how much has changed in my life in just one short year. I am so grateful for life's blessings the past year.

A friend asked me recently, "Is motherhood/parenthood really all what it's hyped up to be? Did your world really change that much?"

At the moment, I just said "yes" because yes, of course it did change but as I took some time to think about what has changed.. it's hard to put into words for someone who hasn't gone through the experience of parenthood for him/herself.

First, it's the overwhelming feeling of absolute "no questions asked" unconditional LOVE. her life is my life. would I take a bullet for her, go to the ends of the world for her, put everything on the line for her.. These are all questions I would never really think to ask of myself if I weren't a parent. Of course, as a devoted wife, daughter, granddaughter, if someone asked me these questions, I would without question say yes for my husband, my mom, my grandma... but I've never seriously considered them on my own. But with motherhood, it's what I think about. You're in a constant "what if" protective mode. Call it motherly instinct or parental awareness if you will. It's having an exit plan forming in your head when you enter a building just in case.

Second, it's putting what she needs before my own without even thinking about it. Sure, I don't watch TV anymore and I don't remember what more than 5-6 hours of consecutive sleep feels like.. but honestly, I have zero complaints. I may feel tired from getting up to nurse at nights and I may be a season behind on all my favorite TV shows but the minute she smiles, my world lights up and every sleepless night is worth it!

And last, but definitely not all, it's knowing that I am responsible for her well-being and that she is my lifetime commitment. It's crazy that she grew inside my belly and that for 9 months we operated as one being and now, she may be physically separate from me, but my bond with her is forever. There will, no doubt, be ups and downs. We will go through her trouble twos, her teenage rebellions, her first love, her first heartbreak, her going to college, her moving to her first place on her own, her wedding.. Whew!! I'm getting too ahead of myself! But, through it all, I know I will forever be by her side encouraging her and guiding her. I may not hold her hand through it all because I believe there is value in learning lessons on her own, but I will always be there to lift her up and support her as best as I can :)

So yes, Madison has changed my life tremendously. Yes, I'm a mom now and I am proud of it. 2012 was an amazing year and 2013 is going to be even better!!



Friday, December 14, 2012

Happy Holidays!

Stationery card
View the entire collection of cards.

A letter to my Baby - Happy 5 Months!


Dear Madison,

Baby girl, today, you turn 5 months. Mama can't believe how fast time has gone by and I know soon you will hit milestone after milestone in a blink of an eye. I want to reminisce on the past 5 months and cherish all the wonderful memories you've given us before you grow up too fast! 

From the moment Daddy called out "It's a Girl" when you were born, our hearts filled with love.  Dada and I spent those first couple days in the hospital overwhelmed with joy and in disbelief that after anxiously waiting for you to arrive in our lives, we were finally parents to a beautiful healthy baby girl.  

The first month we spent at Grandma's house was definitely a wild roller coaster ride. Everyone told Mama to sleep when you slept but I just couldn't help staying awake to look at you while you slept so peacefully in mama's arms. And then there were those nights where all you wanted was to nurse and as tired as mama was and as painful as it was, I wanted to do my very best to breastfeed and nourish you as much as I could.  You had so many aunties and uncles who came to visit and were thrilled to meet you.  Some swept you up like you were their own and some were a bit nervous to hold you because you were so tiny!

When we finally brought you home, you settled in right away in your new room.  We were definitely blessed with a baby who LOVES to sleep, just like mommy and daddy! You got to meet your "brothers" Ronald and Batman who were curious to see who was this new little being taking up so much of mommy's time! The next 3 months were amazing as Mama was able to spend every second of every day with you! We attended our first Gymboree class with Auntie Laura & cousin Dylan, went on a rose bowl walk with Auntie Arty & baby Callie, made way too many trips to Target and the mall, and then, there were just the wonderful days of staying in at home.

Maddie, Mama is already SO proud of you.  I know you are going to grow up to be an incredible strong woman but right now, at this moment, I just want to remember you as you are. Before you start to roll over with ease and sit up, before you start to crawl and run and walk, before you stop finding blowing raspberries entertaining because you can say "Mama" and "Dada".. I want to remember your baby cries and your little shrieks of laughter. I want to remember your little hands and chubby thighs. The way you stare up at me when you are nursing and when you try to "talk" while sucking on your wubbanub.  The way you reach for your toys and touch Mama's face. My most recent favorite memory is when you woke Mama up one morning by blowing a raspberry right in Mama's face. It's the way you communicate without being able to talk that I love most about this stage in your life.

As much I love this stage in our lives, and as much as I wish you can be my baby forever.. I am also going to embrace the little girl you are becoming.  And when you fall, Mama will pick you up and when you start to walk, Mama will hold your hand. And when you say "Mama", oh baby, my heart will just melt.

Happy 5 Months Maddie!!

Love,
Mama