2012 in Reflection

As 2012 draws to a close, I am amazed how much has changed in my life in just one short year. I am so grateful for life's blessings the past year.

A friend asked me recently, "Is motherhood/parenthood really all what it's hyped up to be? Did your world really change that much?"

At the moment, I just said "yes" because yes, of course it did change but as I took some time to think about what has changed.. it's hard to put into words for someone who hasn't gone through the experience of parenthood for him/herself.

First, it's the overwhelming feeling of absolute "no questions asked" unconditional LOVE. her life is my life. would I take a bullet for her, go to the ends of the world for her, put everything on the line for her.. These are all questions I would never really think to ask of myself if I weren't a parent. Of course, as a devoted wife, daughter, granddaughter, if someone asked me these questions, I would without question say yes for my husband, my mom, my grandma... but I've never seriously considered them on my own. But with motherhood, it's what I think about. You're in a constant "what if" protective mode. Call it motherly instinct or parental awareness if you will. It's having an exit plan forming in your head when you enter a building just in case.

Second, it's putting what she needs before my own without even thinking about it. Sure, I don't watch TV anymore and I don't remember what more than 5-6 hours of consecutive sleep feels like.. but honestly, I have zero complaints. I may feel tired from getting up to nurse at nights and I may be a season behind on all my favorite TV shows but the minute she smiles, my world lights up and every sleepless night is worth it!

And last, but definitely not all, it's knowing that I am responsible for her well-being and that she is my lifetime commitment. It's crazy that she grew inside my belly and that for 9 months we operated as one being and now, she may be physically separate from me, but my bond with her is forever. There will, no doubt, be ups and downs. We will go through her trouble twos, her teenage rebellions, her first love, her first heartbreak, her going to college, her moving to her first place on her own, her wedding.. Whew!! I'm getting too ahead of myself! But, through it all, I know I will forever be by her side encouraging her and guiding her. I may not hold her hand through it all because I believe there is value in learning lessons on her own, but I will always be there to lift her up and support her as best as I can :)

So yes, Madison has changed my life tremendously. Yes, I'm a mom now and I am proud of it. 2012 was an amazing year and 2013 is going to be even better!!