2012 in Reflection

As 2012 draws to a close, I am amazed how much has changed in my life in just one short year. I am so grateful for life's blessings the past year.

A friend asked me recently, "Is motherhood/parenthood really all what it's hyped up to be? Did your world really change that much?"

At the moment, I just said "yes" because yes, of course it did change but as I took some time to think about what has changed.. it's hard to put into words for someone who hasn't gone through the experience of parenthood for him/herself.

First, it's the overwhelming feeling of absolute "no questions asked" unconditional LOVE. her life is my life. would I take a bullet for her, go to the ends of the world for her, put everything on the line for her.. These are all questions I would never really think to ask of myself if I weren't a parent. Of course, as a devoted wife, daughter, granddaughter, if someone asked me these questions, I would without question say yes for my husband, my mom, my grandma... but I've never seriously considered them on my own. But with motherhood, it's what I think about. You're in a constant "what if" protective mode. Call it motherly instinct or parental awareness if you will. It's having an exit plan forming in your head when you enter a building just in case.

Second, it's putting what she needs before my own without even thinking about it. Sure, I don't watch TV anymore and I don't remember what more than 5-6 hours of consecutive sleep feels like.. but honestly, I have zero complaints. I may feel tired from getting up to nurse at nights and I may be a season behind on all my favorite TV shows but the minute she smiles, my world lights up and every sleepless night is worth it!

And last, but definitely not all, it's knowing that I am responsible for her well-being and that she is my lifetime commitment. It's crazy that she grew inside my belly and that for 9 months we operated as one being and now, she may be physically separate from me, but my bond with her is forever. There will, no doubt, be ups and downs. We will go through her trouble twos, her teenage rebellions, her first love, her first heartbreak, her going to college, her moving to her first place on her own, her wedding.. Whew!! I'm getting too ahead of myself! But, through it all, I know I will forever be by her side encouraging her and guiding her. I may not hold her hand through it all because I believe there is value in learning lessons on her own, but I will always be there to lift her up and support her as best as I can :)

So yes, Madison has changed my life tremendously. Yes, I'm a mom now and I am proud of it. 2012 was an amazing year and 2013 is going to be even better!!

Happy Holidays!

Stationery card

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A letter to my Baby - Happy 5 Months!

Dear Madison,

Baby girl, today, you turn 5 months. Mama can't believe how fast time has gone by and I know soon you will hit milestone after milestone in a blink of an eye. I want to reminisce on the past 5 months and cherish all the wonderful memories you've given us before you grow up too fast! 

From the moment Daddy called out "It's a Girl" when you were born, our hearts filled with love.  Dada and I spent those first couple days in the hospital overwhelmed with joy and in disbelief that after anxiously waiting for you to arrive in our lives, we were finally parents to a beautiful healthy baby girl.  

The first month we spent at Grandma's house was definitely a wild roller coaster ride. Everyone told Mama to sleep when you slept but I just couldn't help staying awake to look at you while you slept so peacefully in mama's arms. And then there were those nights where all you wanted was to nurse and as tired as mama was and as painful as it was, I wanted to do my very best to breastfeed and nourish you as much as I could.  You had so many aunties and uncles who came to visit and were thrilled to meet you.  Some swept you up like you were their own and some were a bit nervous to hold you because you were so tiny!

When we finally brought you home, you settled in right away in your new room.  We were definitely blessed with a baby who LOVES to sleep, just like mommy and daddy! You got to meet your "brothers" Ronald and Batman who were curious to see who was this new little being taking up so much of mommy's time! The next 3 months were amazing as Mama was able to spend every second of every day with you! We attended our first Gymboree class with Auntie Laura & cousin Dylan, went on a rose bowl walk with Auntie Arty & baby Callie, made way too many trips to Target and the mall, and then, there were just the wonderful days of staying in at home.

Maddie, Mama is already SO proud of you.  I know you are going to grow up to be an incredible strong woman but right now, at this moment, I just want to remember you as you are. Before you start to roll over with ease and sit up, before you start to crawl and run and walk, before you stop finding blowing raspberries entertaining because you can say "Mama" and "Dada".. I want to remember your baby cries and your little shrieks of laughter. I want to remember your little hands and chubby thighs. The way you stare up at me when you are nursing and when you try to "talk" while sucking on your wubbanub.  The way you reach for your toys and touch Mama's face. My most recent favorite memory is when you woke Mama up one morning by blowing a raspberry right in Mama's face. It's the way you communicate without being able to talk that I love most about this stage in your life.

As much I love this stage in our lives, and as much as I wish you can be my baby forever.. I am also going to embrace the little girl you are becoming.  And when you fall, Mama will pick you up and when you start to walk, Mama will hold your hand. And when you say "Mama", oh baby, my heart will just melt.

Happy 5 Months Maddie!!

Love,
Mama

Songs and Babies

Is it strange that every song I hear today reminds me of Maddie.. must be a new mom thing? Like the opening lyrics to Shania Twain's "You're Still the One" made me think of my breastfeeding journey with Maddie and how far we've come..

"Looks like we made it
Look how far we've come my baby
We mighta took the long way
We knew we'd get there someday

They said "I bet they'll never make it"
But just look at us holding on
We're still together still going strong"

or take Rihanna's top hit right now "Diamonds", the lyrics are obviously talking about the moment a mom first lays eyes on her baby girl haha..

"I knew that we’d become one right away
Oh, right away
At first sight I left the energy of sun rays
I saw the life inside your eyes

So shine bright, tonight you and I
We’re beautiful like diamonds in the sky
Eye to eye, so alive
We’re beautiful like diamonds in the sky"

:)

Back in the grind..

t has just started hitting me today that I'm back at work.. Last week I only had two days so it passed by fast and with over 1,700 unread emails to go through, I didn't really have time to think about it. But today, it is starting to sink in.

My mother-in-law is going to watch Maddie once a week on Tuesdays and she lives near my work so I get to see Maddie during lunch. I thought this would make it easier..but somehow I had a harder time parting with her midday. I've always been a more "out of sight, out of mind, deal with what's on hand" type of person, but that's what I hate most about this situation. I don't want her out of sight, out of mind!! Luckily, this is a short week with the Thanksgiving holiday. Next week is going to be challenging. I just have to keep taking it one day at a time. Thank goodness for the Women's Lounge at work where I can pump and shed some tears in private if I need to :*)

Happy 4 Months!!

Hi Big Bright BEAUTIFUL World!

I turn 4 months today!! I'm feeling a little blue with a cough and sniffles but still in fairly good spirits. Mama and Dada are taking me to the doctor today for my checkup and shots so we'll see what the doctor says.  Mama's been having a really tough time dealing with leaving me at the nanny's and going back to work and I'm sure not making it easier for her.  But I'm a brave and strong girl so I know I will be just fine.

Love,
baby Maddie

P.S. I learned two days ago how to blow baby raspberries and I've been blowing a storm of baby raspberries to Mama and Dada's delight!

Epic Meltdown

I started this week in tears as my return to work aka D-day is fast approaching on Thursday. With only 2 days of my maternity leave left, I want to spend as much time as possible with Madde. So when my hair appointment ran an hour and a half later than anticipated (I started at 4:30p and didn't finish until 9:30p!!), I started getting really anxious. By the time I got home, I was in full epic meltdown mode. A wave of guilt came over me as I just spent the last 5 hours at a hair salon instead of soaking up every minute with Maddie and then the thought of Thursday fast approaching brought on the waterworks once again..

::sigh:: I know I sound completely crazy and ridiculous, especially to people who haven't had kids.. I would never have though in a million years I would feel this way, but I can't help it right now.  I used to think I would have no problem leaving my kid and going to work, but now I just can't imagine being away from her cute little face!  Any moms out there who feel my pain? I'd love to hear how it was for you.

First (1/2) Day at the Nanny's!!

D-day is coming up soon as in the Dreaded day of returning to work after 4 blissful amazing months at home with Maddie. Just thinking about D-day makes me cry..

But as moms, we must soldier on, so this week we are starting to have Maddie go to the nanny for half days (9am-12pm) so she can get used to the nanny and vice versa. This also gives me a few hours to hit the gym (finally!) before heading back to work.

Maddie did so well when I dropped her off that it made me sad.. at almost 4 months she is showing me she is a big girl now and mommy needs to learn to let go a bit :( but, I am happy she took a liking to the nanny, smiling and making her cute little coos and half giggles.

My motto is.. One day at a time, one week at a time.. breathe, and we'll get through this together baby!

Halloween Fun!

Here are some pictures from Mommy took of our Halloween fun! I had a great time in my strawberry costume at the mall and loved seeing all the bigger boys and girls running around in their costumes :)

Daddy didn't win the $500 first place at his work, but he did take home 2nd place $300 which was still awesome!

Love,
baby Maddie

Our Halloween Family Portrait: 

Daddy's Scary Makeup by Mommy:

Cousin Dylan came to visit in her Minnie Mouse costume:

Grandma, Mommy and Maddie:

Aunt Jenny & Maddie:

Aunt Wendy & Maddie:

Cousin Jodie as Belle & Cousin Mason as Transformer:

My friend Callie and her Mommy, Arty, celebrating Halloween in Seattle:

Happy Halloween!

Happy Halloween!! We woke up bright an early this morning to do husband's makeup. There is a contest at his work and the grand prize is $500 so we are in it to WIN it!! think of all the diapers and baby supplies we can buy haha..

Halloween is one of my favorite holidays and I can't wait to share it with Maddie!! This is her FIRST halloween and even though she won't remember anything, we are still going to dress her up an take her to the mall today with my niece and nephew. This past Sunday we took her to the pumpkin patch and she wore her cute strawberry costume (doesn't she look yummy?!) Next year, I am thinking rainbow brite and twink like this picture I found online! :)

Prayers for the East Coast

I've been watching the news for hours on end and googling constantly for updates on Hurricane Sandy. Living in Southern California, it is hard to imagine just how epic this storm is. It has affected over 10 states all across the Northeast with over 8 million out of power and fatalities rising daily. I have so many friends on the East Coast and my prayers are with them and everyone else going through this terrifying superstorm.

My heart especially goes out to all the parents whose babies were in the NICU at NYU hospital. Having a baby in NICU is scary enough it's difficult to think about the added stress and fear these parents are going through right now. I am in awe after hearing stories of nurses pumping oxygen by hand carrying infants down 9 flights of stairs (http://www.cnn.com/2012/10/30/health/sandy-hospital/index.html) and how a New Jersey mom gave birth without epidural in a hospital truck. Thank goodness for the nurses, doctors, rescue workers and volunteers who are working tirelessly for those in need.

With all the power outages, my heart also goes out to the breastfeed moms who are in jeopardy of losing their freezer stash. Here is a great article on how to protect your breastmilk (liquid gold!!)

Hurricane Sandy: Tips on Maintaining Breastfeeding Success During an Emergency: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/mobileweb/gina-ciagne/hurricane-sandy_b_2040054.html

Mommy Brain

Something happens to your brain when you have a baby.. They call it "mommy brain" which is essentially the rapid deterioration of brain cells used to process or retain simple information such as where you left your keys or what you ate for breakfast this morning.

We once found a car at the Disney parking lot windows down, keys in ignition with the engine running, two carseats and no one in sight. This was before marriage and baby, so we were in utter shock. How could any parent be so careless?! When we called security, they said this was a common occurrence at Disneyland and happens at least once a day. Now as a mom, I can totally understand!

With one baby, I haven't reached mommy brain to that level yet, but I've definitely had my share of "mommy brain" moments. It ranges from looking for my phone for 10-15 minutes and then realizing the phone is in my pocket to completely forgetting where I parked outside of Target even though I only went in for 15 minutes to return something.

This morning, my husband left his phone at home and after calling him and hearing it ring in the other room.. I immediately sent him a text message "You left your phone at home". This was 9am, it is now 6pm and I just realized what I did.. now if it took you a moment to process that, then maybe you are suffering from "mommy brain" as well :)

Happy 100 Days of Birth!!

Dear Madison,

Baby girl, you are 100 days old today!! Mommy and Daddy can't believe how fast you have grown! As much as I want this moment with you to last forever, mommy also can't wait to watch you grow up.

Most days I can't believe how lucky I am to be your mom. I find myself staring at you as you sleep and feeling a tug in my heart that can only be the unconditional love I have for you. You are starting to recognize mama and dada and when you respond to our voice with your cute smiles and little wisps of a giggle, oh my heart just melts! Sometimes you just stare into mama's eyes with those all-knowing soft caramel eyes of yours and I so desperately want to know what you are thinking.

I want you to know Maddie that mama and dada love you so much. Every day we talk about what we can do to create the best future for you. You motivate us to do better and be successful because my hunnie, the sky is the limit and the only way we can teach you to fulfill your every hopes and dreams is to do it ourselves.

The last 100 days have been the best days of my life and each day just keeps getting better. Thank you Maddie for being the most amazing daughter ever!

*a little note from your dada:
Sweetheart, I wonder if you will remember the conversations we've had after bath time? If you don't, it's ok. Our topics usually consists of doo doo, if you've missed dada, and how much dada's missed you. Please start using complete sentences so dada understands. Thanks sweetheart! Happy 100 days, I love you with all my heart!

Guys with Kids/Ben & Kate

Just started watching "Guys with Kids" on Hulu and gotta say, this show is pretty hilarious. I can't say if it's just funny to me right now because I have a kid or if it's actually a funny show because imdb ratings are 4.8/10 but who cares, it make me laugh :)

I'm pretty sure this show is not meant for 1) guys without kids.. enough said, 2) girls without kids, because I don't think any of my girlfriends without kids would watch this and 3) guys with kids because I can't imagine any dad who would want to sit and watch a show about other dudes with kids during their free time.. so I guess that just makes this a show for moms..

Now it's nearly 3am and I just finished watching the first two episodes of Ben and Kate. Great show too.. but I may be biased because the little girl's name is Maddie. Ok, it's time for bed now, not sure why I'm up still.. Feeling a little delirious.. I have less than a month until I go back to work and I'm feeling like I'm running out of time with Maddie. I know it sounds a little ridiculous, but I would love to stay at home with her. Anyway, that's a topic for another day.. Night!

Co-Sleep Convert

Hi, my name is Maggie and I co-sleep with my baby..

Yes, I was one of those people pre-baby who swore I would NOT co-sleep when I had a baby. I wanted baby to sleep in the crib, I wanted baby to be "independent", I didn't want to sacrifice sleeping with husband... but then, baby came along and..

For the first month and a half, I stuck to my guns.. During the first month at my mom's while doing the Chinese "sitting" month (坐月子), Maddie slept in the Arm's Reach Mini co-sleeper bassinet. It was nice because she was next to the bed but had her own space and as a newborn, she was so tiny I would've been too scared to have her in bed with me. But even the first few weeks I spent nights just holding her because she was nursing NON-STOP! gotta love cluster feeding.. NOT! x_x

When we went home, I left the co-sleeper bassinet at my mom's since we had a crib for her at home. The first two weeks home (week 5 & 6) she slept in her crib and I slept in the daybed we have in the nursery. As much as I wanted to sleep with husband, we have our other two babies aka our dogs, Ronald & Batman, who sleep with us in our bed. Husband also wanted me to stay with baby so he stayed in our room with the puppies while I stayed in the nursery.

After many nights of having to wake up several times to get her out of the crib to nurse, I was so tired and sleep-deprived. When I got home from my weekend trip without baby to San Francisco, I missed her so much I put her next to me in the daybed for the night..

And you know what, I loved it so much I've been co-sleeping since!! baby sleeps well, I sleep well.. nursing in the middle of the night isn't a chore because I just sit up in bed and nurse. I also get up to nurse her before she starts fully crying which I think has helped her sleep longer. Shortly after co-sleeping, baby started sleeping 5-7 hour stretches which most would consider as "sleeping through the night". She's usually in bed by 10pm and will get up around 4-5am to nurse and then back to bed until 7-8am.

People warn me it's going to be a bad habit to break and the pre-baby me is probably shaking her head but I don't care what anyone says! :) I'm no longer feeling sleep-deprived, I love having her next to me and husband loves that I'm next to her. On the weekends, we switch off and he'll sleep next to her in the nursery while I sleep in our room.

When the time comes for her to sleep on her own, it'll probably be harder for me than her, because I've left her sleeping for long stretches alone and she seems fine. I know one day baby girl is going to sleep on her own, but tonight, she sleeps with her mama :)

Traveling with Baby - Road Trip

The thought of traveling with baby is always nerve-wracking.. Especially on a 6+ hour road trip! Yikes!

The plan was to leave at noon, but as usual with a baby.. plans change. After brunch with my mother-in-law and a pit stop at her house to breastfeed one last time, we (Maddie, my brother-in-law, my sister-in-law, and myself) started our drive at 2pm. Husband was landing at San Jose airport at 9:30pm so the plan was to time our trip just right to pick him up before driving to our final destination in Livermore.

Overall, the trip went smoothly! Baby girl was asleep for most of the way. We stopped twice so I could nurse. Once around 5:30pm and the next time when we arrived to San Jose at 8:30pm. To kill time before husband arrived, we stopped by Wal-Mart to get water, jackets and long-sleeved onesies for Maddie! It was windy and freezing up north!! By the time we were done, husband had just arrived and we made our way to our hotel. Maddie definitely got restless towards the end of the trip and was rightfully fussy and sick of being stuck in the carseat. I can't blame her. After all those hours in the car, my back was killing me.

Here are some tips I learned from my trip:
-make sure to add an additional half hour for every estimated 3 hours of your drive
-always pack short and long sleeved onesies for baby, you never know what the weather is going to be like
-keep baby in light clothing during the trip because it gets hot & sweaty sitting in the car seat. Keep a blanket with you in case it does get cold
-get a dress easy for nursing if you are attending a formal event. I decided to wear a dress that was NOT nursing-friendly and paid for it. Imagine sitting on a toilet in the restroom stall in only your undies nursing your baby.. yes, I did that and no, it was not fun and I do not plan on doing that again!!

I would give more tips, but Madison did so well I can't complain. Even during the wedding ceremony, I made sure to stay in the back just in case she started crying and fussing, but she only made one small cry and stopped the instant I picked her up. Phew! That was the one thing I was most worried about!

It'll probably be a long while before I subject her to such long hours in the carseat.. but I'm happy we survived our first road trip travel experience! :)

Late Night/Early Morning chats

2am
L: Nursing?
M: yup!

5am
M: Nursing?
A: yup!

the awesome thing about a friend and a cousin who had their babies around the same time as me is always having a late night/early morning buddy to chat with!

It's one of the little things that keeps me sane during this roller coaster ride called motherhood!

On another note, I am up at 4:15am while baby is sleeping because I have to utilize this time to pack for our trip to NorCal for a cousin's wedding. Last feeding was at 1:30am so I still have a good 15min before baby is up... ok, never mind.. I hear her grunting and struggling to escape her swaddle strap.. guess she's early as usual!

Rose Bowl Stroller Walk

I've been wanting to take Maddie on a late afternoon stroller walk around the Rose Bowl loop but the weather has been scorching HOT lately! Even at 4pm it's been 100 degrees the last few days!

This morning we had to wake up bright and early at 4:30am.. which is usually the time I get up for her to nurse.. but instead of going back to bed, we had to take husband to the airport for his business trip. On the way home, I decided to go for an early morning stroller walk with Maddie at the Rose Bowl since it was just breaking into daylight and a cool 70 degrees out.

The walk was amazing! Walking with a stroller is awesome because you can put water and snacks in the stroller.. Drinking a soy latte and eating a chocolate croissant probably defeats the purpose of walking, but with mt belly burner on, I still worked up a good sweat!

This walk got me thinking of starting a community stroller walk at the Rose Bowl to push myself to wake up early and go on walks with Maddie when I go back to work. Husband likes the idea so we'll see how it goes :)

picture: Maddie before and after stroll

Finding Out vs. Not Finding Out

I've always known that when I got pregnant I wouldn't want to find out the gender until baby was born. Maybe it's my background in psychology and social behavior or just because I like the surprise. A small part of it is because I wouldn't be able to stand the overwhelming amount of PINK clothing and toys we would receive if we found out it was a girl.

It took us six months to get pregnant and although a relatively short amount of time for couples trying to conceive, it still felt like eternity to me when faced with disappointment each month mother nature blessed me with her presence. After the tears, I was even more sure that I wouldn't want to find out the gender. Because Boy or Girl, I would be ecstatic to welcome baby into this world!

When we finally found out we were pregnant last November, I was excited husband was on board with not finding out. Honestly, once the decision was made, it really wasn't challenging to stick with it. I can't say for husband, but I never felt tempted to change my mind and find out during my pregnancy. It sounds cliche but all I really cared for was a healthy baby.

People, especially family, gave me a lot of grief for not finding out with the most common complaint being they wouldn't know what baby clothes to get my baby. Yes, I'm going to find out just so you will have an easier time picking out blue or pink outfits for my baby. Save your money please! The upside was definitely having everyone stick to our registry and getting us only what we needed. It also saved us a ton of money because we would see really cute gender specific outfits, but since we didn't know, we couldn't buy them.

I also found this amazing baby registry called www.notfindingout.com that allowed you to create a registry and select items that have boy/girl versions and then once you have your baby, you give them a call and they will ship you the respective item for your baby. It was a great way to appease all the friends and family who said "if you don't know the gender, how am I going to know what to get your baby?!"

When baby was born, I will never forget when husband announced "It's a girl!" just like they do in the movies :) life has very few true surprises left and this surprise was the best as we welcomed baby Madison into this world on July 14, 2012.

Would I do it again for baby Lo #2? You can bet on it! :)

"The Last Time"

Dear Madison,

Last Friday we celebrated your 2nd month.  Mommy has been wanting to blog about my time with you ever since you were in my tummy but just never made the time to do it.

It's going to be a challenge to blog in between nursing you every 3 hours, changing your dirty diapers, rocking you to sleep and somewhere in the midst of that finding time for Mommy to sleep too.. but after reading "The Last Time" by Devon Corneal.. I knew I had no time to waste. 

So with you wrapped up in the moby wrap, I'm going to tackle this blogging thing! Hopefully in the next two months before I have to go back to work, I can blog about the time when you were in mommy's tummy to when you were first in mommy's arm, your first month with Mommy at Grandma's house, when you came home to your new room that mommy and daddy worked so hard on, and much much more!

Love,
Mama Lo


Last Hurrah!
Birth Story

My Birth Story - a letter

I wrote this to a friend right before she had her baby 12 days after Maddie.  Instead of re-writing my birth story, I thought it'd be easier to just copy and paste my email to her :) it's very long.. so be forewarned..

Hi A!!

Thank you!! Just got the chance to email you back!  

How are you doing??  Any day now right?!  I can't believe I was 2 weeks early!  

The experience wasn't toooo bad.. I worked really late on Thursday (my last day) and then after Kev and I went to Denny's.  I had a glass of milk with my food.. and Friday I had diarrhea allll day which I thought was because of the milk I drank the night before. It was the type of diarrhea when you do a detox or something.. watery, and very loose stools.. like the body trying to cleanse itself (which apparently is what my body was doing to prepare for labor).  Then around midnight, my stomach still wasn't feeling well so I went to sleep and throughout the night I had cramps and I thought it was just from a bad stomach.  At around 4-4:30am I woke up and realized that it was feeling more like contractions because it was coming in at intervals, but I wasn't sure and woke Kevin up.  We just started getting everything ready by the door in case and then when we were sure it was contractions, I timed myself from around 5:30 to 7am and the contractions started coming in every 5 minutes.  During that time, I showered/washed my hair (especially since I'm doing the Chinese month thing where you're not supposed to shower/wash hair for the whole month!!!), curled my hair (haha), and finished getting all the last minute stuff ready.. I let Kev sleep during this time since I knew he would be up for a while and then at 7am, he got up to shower and finish packing his bag.  I didn't want to get to the hospital TOO early, so I tried to work through the contractions at home for another hour or so until I was ready to go.  We got to the hospital at 9:30am.

Once we got to the hospital, I was admitted and put in the observation room. They monitored me for about half an hour and confirmed my contractions were coming in every 5 minutes and I was 1.5cm dilated.  They paged my doctor and my doctor told me to stay so they moved me to labor and delivery room around 10:30am.  We started calling family to let them know we were at the hospital and then, it was pretty much a painful waiting game hahaha.. I was able to move around and try different positions for about half an hour-45 min, then the nurse gave me Pitocin to augment the labor/contraction process which meant I had to stay in bed after that.  The contractions really started coming in strong by 12:30pm at 2 min intervals and I couldn't take it anymore so I requested for epidural.  I was worried the epidural would slow down the dilation process, but the nurse said that in her experience, epidural helps to accelerate the process and dilate faster.  The anesthesiologist came close to 2pm and gave me the epidural.  

After the epidural, it was SO MUCH BETTER!!  My water broke at 3pm naturally and then, I started to feel some pain from the contractions again around 4pm, so the anesthesiologist came back in to give me another boost in the epidural.  You get pretty numb from the waist down with the epidural and your legs are really heavy and tingly numb, so my mom was using the massage roller on my legs just to get some circulation because I wanted to still be able to feel my legs during labor.  About half hour after the epidural, they also put in a urinary catheter since you can't get up to use the restroom.  At 4:30pm, the nurse checked me and said I was at 5cm.  Our nurse was this Taiwanese lady named Joanna and she was super nice and chatting with all of my family.  When she checked, she said she would help me open up faster down there o_0 (not sure what she did because I was numb down there from epidural, but apparently it did help haha).  At 5pm, my doctor came and wanted to check me, but I said Joanna had just checked.  Since my water broke already, Dr. Yu didn't want to check again, but was bummed because she had told Joanna to wait for her to come in to check me.  I heard her asking Joanna outside why she didn't wait and then 5 minutes later, Dr. Yu came back in and said Joanna said the head was really low and she should check me again.  Dr. Yu checked and I was at 9cm so all the nurses came and started preparing for labor.  Joanna said her shift was ending at 7pm and was joking to Dr. Yu to make sure the baby comes out before her shift ends.  Labor officially started about 6pm when I started needing to push... and at 6:26pm after some seriously tiring pushing, baby Madison was born!!! :)  

MAN!  It is crazy re-living that right now!! I don't think I've wrote down everything that happened since the labor.. I'm going to have to save this email so I remember. hahaha.. 

A few other things about the delivery.. I did end up getting an episiotomy.  Dr. said she wouldn't unless necessary, and when baby was crowning, there was a lot of pressure so instead of it tearing, she made a couple cuts and I got stitches.  I couldn't really feel a thing with the epidural and in between pushing.  A lot of times, I felt pressure down there, but I was so focused on pushing REALLY REALLY HARD, that I didn't even think about what else was going on down there.  When you push, you just have to use all your might and then push even more than that.  Relax your bottom and really crunch in with your back like you're doing an ab crunch.  Kev was helping me push up from my back and supporting my neck while my mom and nurse were on either side helping me push my legs back.  I also used my hands to pull back my own thighs and pulled so hard that even now, my biceps feels like it went through an intense workout.  My mom was pushing my left leg and she was so nervous (she didn't even want to look at the baby coming out when the dr. told her to look hahaha).. Even in between the contractions when you're supposed to relax everything to get ready for the next push, she was still pushing my left leg back.. I was like.. "Mom, you can stop pushing my leg now.." haha.. 

Okay, I think that is all for now. back to my life in 2-3 hour increments of feeding, changing, and sleeping! It is amazing though! I thought we would be dead exhausted (which I'm sure we are), but we LOVE it! Kev has been so helpful throughout the night.  He does most of the diaper changing and everything in between my feedings.  It'll be crazy when he goes back to work next week, but I'm at my mom's for the month so I have help.  I was going to stay at the postnatal place, but I was 2 weeks early and they didn't have my room ready plus they were going through some audit/investigation thing which meant there was a possibility everyone staying there would have to vacate.. so I just decided to stay at my mom's. 

GOOD LUCK!! and I'm praying for a smooth and fast delivery for you! :)  I know you'll be amazing, D will be right there cheering you on and baby C will be one precious baby!  

Love,

mags

Preparing for Breastfeeding

July 18 - 4 days breastfeeding & counting (a letter to a friend to prepare her for breastfeeding!)

I wanted to let you know a few things to prepare that I wish I knew to do, especially with breastfeeding if you plan to do it.

My nipples were so unprepared for breastfeeding, which I'm sure is normal.  Madison latches on really well, but she sucks REALLY HARD and my nipples are still sore and raw because they are not used to it yet.

I learned from breastfeeding class about using black tea bags and also read here (http://voices.yahoo.com/best-breastfeeding-tip-ever-using-teabags-3517397.html) to relieve nipple soreness.  Since our nipples are always covered up and not used to abrasive environments, I would start to use the teabags now before birth to toughen them up for breastfeeding.  Another thing I read is to use your hair dryer on low setting and blow on the nipples for a short period of time.

I was using the Mother Love nipple cream which is organic olive oil based, but it wasn't helping a whole lot.  I was at the pediatrician's office today and also visited with the lactation nurse who said to use pure lanolin instead.  I was trying to go organic, but I went straight to Burlington Coat Factory after the office visit and bought the Medela Lanolin cream and it has helped just from earlier today.  It is a lot thicker and keeps the nipples moist so it doesn't dry out.  You should use it after every feeding and just leave it on so if your nipple is a little raw, it won't scab over and get hard which is more painful.  The lactation nurse also said to not use water on the nipples because it will dry it out. She said just keep putting on the lanolin and leave it on.

Air out your breasts if possible too just so they aren't always covered up.  You can use hot compress on the breast to get the milk flowing, but avoid the nipples and don't leave on the hot compress for more than 3 minutes.  Ice compress is also really great when you are engorged.  I leave it on for almost 15-20 min and it really helps soften the lumps and it's great on the nipples to numb them right before feeding. Just put a towel so ice is not directly on the nipples.

My milk just started coming in yesterday (day 3) and before that it is colostrum which is thick and clear.  Usually before feeding, I will use my hands to express a little out of the breast just to make sure there is stuff coming out before feeding.  I don't want her to be sucking so hard and nothing comes out haha.. My left nipple is a lot more beat up than my right because that is the one I started with minutes after birth and with first try, the latch is not going to be perfect. But, overall, I really enjoy breastfeeding!  It's a very close bond :)  You should definitely see the lactation nurse during your hospital stay to make sure that baby is latching on well and get some tips before you go home.  I didn't get the chance to at the hospital, but today's visit helped a lot too.  The breastfeeding class I took before delivery was also really helpful.  I'm going to see if my nipples get better the next couple days with the lanolin & tea bags and if they are still a little sore, then I'm going to get the gel pads online to see if they'll help.  Bring the lanolin with you to the hospital!! I'm sure they may have it too, but just in case!

love,
mags

Welcome Baby Lo!

Going Home with Baby!

Baby's First Night

 She opens her little eyes!

and her really loud cries hehe..

Baby's First Hour!

Healthy 7lb 7 oz and 19 in

 Skin-to-Skin with baby girl!

 Baby's First Latch! she's a pro!

 Look at those kissy-kissy lips! muah!

Happy & Excited Parents of Madison Lo!

Labor Pains

this is mommy in pain!

Last Belly Shot

It's Show Time!!

Come on Baby LO :)

2 years later..

wow.. 2 years later and our wedding was recently featured on Wedding Row California!!

http://www.weddingrowcalifornia.com/marina-del-rey-wedding-maggie-kevin/

It is amazing to be reminded again how beautiful our special day was, especially now as we embark on a new journey to become parents!!  Baby Lo is due July 30, 2012 and we are beyond thrilled!  The last 2 years of our lives have been filled with joy, love and happiness.  We are truly blessed!  I will be updating this blog from a wedding blog to a baby blog! Stay tuned!!


Thanks to our amazing team that helped turn our wedding day into a spectacular event to be remembered!
Photographer:  FotoNuova | Event Planner: Fresh Events Company | Reception Venue:  FantaSea Yachts & Yacht Club |  Invitation Designer:  Spiffy Press | DJ:  Edge Entertainment | Makeup Artist:  Uzmee Krakovski | Transportation:  Byrd Limo